


i sing better when i'm with you

by DCKIM



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Casual Magic, M/M, everybody can do at least minor forms of magic, how else can robin build a fucking stable in four days, how else do melons grow in 13, idol!farmer, korean!farmer, korean!sebastian, kpop, prior alcoholism, prior drug addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 17:57:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13862910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCKIM/pseuds/DCKIM
Summary: JinHae, ex-KPOP idol, decides to live in Stardew Valley, on Hanbi farm. He hopes nobody recognizes him, and almost nobody does. Almost.-------------After JongHyun's death from Shinee, I just wanted to write a fanfic about wide open spaces and healing. About someone who looked at the claustrophobic, mental health epidemic in Korea and the dark, writhing underside of the idol business and managed to break free into sunshine. That's what this fic is about: spreading out dark things in the sunlight where they can mend, and a love story to those who were lost.





	1. my grandfather's calligraphy is superb

**Author's Note:**

> written around the time jonghyun from ShinEE passed away. author is korean-american.

 

In the end, what makes me break the seal on the letter isn’t the article itself, but the comments under it. “GenR8’s Lead Singer JinHae Found Overdosed on Heroin in Apartment,” is a fairly accurate assessment of what happened; the title might have been more sensationalized in any other news outlet, so for that, I’m grateful to _ALLKPOP_. But the _comments_ – they scroll onward neatly, as the coder for the site intended them to, and three hours later, I read, with burning eyes, the last comment I can stomach before I hurl my phone across the hospital room, pulling out my IV with a splurt of blood: “와(1).. I can’t believe his mom found him…. it’s not like he was depressed?.. he needs to get it together….. I hope other members of GenR8 are ok.”

No, I don’t break the seal immediately after that. First, I cry, sobbing into my fogged up ventilator until my manager has to call the nurses again in fear I’ll ruin my voice with the broken keening that echoes up and down the sterile corridors. Even when the other four members of GenR8 come to visit me, even when quiet HyunWoo’s eyes well up with tears, even when Nam holds my hands more gently than any fan could ever dream of, even when Sun steadily peels lopsided apples on a chipped plate, even when YeSeo assures me that none of them will ever, _ever_ say anything bad to the press, that JinHae형(2) has been nothing but kind and gentle and loving to them – even then, I cannot respond like I should, and the edges of my puffy eyes grow raw from the steady stream of tears.

In the end, I don’t even break the seal myself. My mom breaks it while visiting my rehab center after the withdrawal symptoms fade a bit. She suddenly looks more frail than before, but she still smiles so carefully at me.

“할아버지(3) left this for you, before he passed away. He said you’d need it 밝은 정신이 점점 공허 해지기 전에 희미해질 때(4).” At this, she laughs shakily and puts the letter in my unresponsive hands, folding my fingers cautiously around the still-crisp edges. “I don’t think I know how to translate something so… flowery into English. But he loved you.” Her voice breaks. “And I love you, JinHae야(5). I just want you to be happy and healthy.”

Only when she leaves, only when my therapy for the day is done, and I’ve peed into the cup so the lab technicians know I wasn’t shooting up a slip behind their backs, I sit on my bed in the privacy of my rehab-issued room. Only then, do I read the letter.

 

(1) Uwah: a term of surprise and, usually, of annoyance or anger

(2) Hyung: older brother; usually said from men to other men, but can be used from by other genders

(3) HaRahBuJi: Grandpa

(4) “When your bright spirit will fade before a growing emptiness”: taken straight from Stardew Valley’s intro scene

(5) –yah: when attached to the end of a name, it becomes a term of endearment or familiarity.


	2. nothing is longer than the first hello

When I get off the bus with nothing but the clothes on my back and a small, rolling suitcase, a gust of wind almost blows off my black sunhat. I grab it just in time, with the tip of my fingers, and the same gust of wind bangs open some door deep in my chest. Pelican Town is different from Seoul. Here, the wind rushes strongly, shaking the branches of the cool, dark forest behind me, and slowly rocking a rusted mine cart slyly hidden among the tree trunks. Here, there are no buildings to crowd, close and suffocating and rudely colorful. Here, I don’t have to hide my face with a mask and sunglasses, sprinting past flashing cameras, praying nobody recognizes me. And all of a sudden, I am hungry, hungrier than I’ve ever been, and I bring up my hand to my eyes, my hat crumpled in my fist, infinitely grateful and infinitely homesick.

When the tears recede, I look up and see a Korean woman, around Mom’s age, with hair dyed an inexplicably fiery orange.

“안녕하세요(1),” I call out, tentatively bowing, examining her bright hair. I’ve never seen any of my Mom’s friends dye their hair. Maybe I should take a picture for her? My hand darts into my pocket for my phone, and curls around nothing. Right. Still, the color suits her.

When the woman doesn’t respond, staring at me with her mouth slightly ajar and letting the silence stretch out, my heart sinks. I had hoped that Stardew Valley would be too white and too rural for anyone to recognize me, but maybe I had been too naïve. “Um,” I start, flashing the smile that my manager would make YeSeo and I practice, “hello. Do you know me?”

“아이고, 아이고(2), I can’t believe Mayor Lewis forgot to mention how handsome you are!” She strides up to me on stout legs and smacks me playfully on the arm, and – holy shit – it _hurts_. “Are you a model? Are you an actor? 아이고, sorry! 아줌마(3) doesn’t watch dramas. You look like an idol, dressed like that in all black! Pink hair looks very good on you!” Maybe it’s my stunned silence that makes her slow down, smiling pleasantly, and hold out her hand to shake mine. Her grip is a touch too firm and the muscles in her arms stand out like thick ropes. “My name is Robin. I’m the town’s carpenter. Mayor Lewis sent me here to pick you up while he cleans up around your place. This town is mostly non-Asian, except my son and I, so I’m glad you came.”

“Ah, my name is Jack. Nice to meet you.” I bow again, lower this time, but Robin urges me up and tucks her arm in mine, guiding me towards the dirt road that disappears behind a wooden fence and unkempt hedge.

“어머나(4), you look like my son’s age. How old are you? 23? 24? Are you an idol, Jack?” She laughs brilliantly. “Should I be asking you for your autograph?”

“I’m 24, yes. But no, I’m not an idol. I was just an office worker that got fed up with Seoul. My mom said 할아버지 had a farm out here, so I wanted to try farming for a while. She’s too lenient with me, so she let me.”

The uneasiness thumping in my chest melts away when she accepts my lie with a hum of agreement, dragging me along the dirt road while I roll my suitcase around the bump and rocks. Up ahead, I can see a small cabin start to appear from the trees, and an old man slowly puttering around a mailbox.

“I think it would so fun if an idol came around here. It would be like one of the variety shows they film. But it’s true Seoul is hard to live in. You’re the same age as my son, so I hope you guys get along. He’s a little bit shy but he’s nice once you get to know him.”

Mayor Lewis straightens up to greet me when I get close enough. His impeccably groomed handlebar mustache is something I have only seen in Western movies. Since Mongol genes run through my family, it’s impossible to grow facial hair that impressive, and I find myself enviously looking at his mustache more than his eyes when we shake hands.

“Welcome to Stardew Valley, Jack! Welcome to Pelican Town and most of all, welcome to Hanbi Farm!” He spreads his arms like he wants to hug the entirety of this old, overgrown place. “Your grandpa and I were good friends; we both served in the First War together, and when it ended, he and I both settled here. He’s the first one that showed me what kimchi was!” The Korean word is twisted in his mouth, and not quite right, but still, I can’t help but to appreciate this enthusiastic piece of my grandfather’s past.

“C’mon, Mayor. It’s _gimchi_. You’ll get it right someday.” Robin corrects, laughing. “But isn’t this place beautiful?” She also throws out her arms in a sweeping circle, as if there is nothing more beautiful than scraggly trees and rocks and a cabin that leaks in four places.

 _시골_ _같애_ (5), Nam would have said, and HyunWoo would have had to cough to cover up his rare laugh. _Seoul is beautiful_ , Sun would have said, calmly, _this place is not Seoul._

Instead, I nod and smile the way my manager taught me to, and this – this is familiar enough to hurt.

 

* * *

 

Mayor Lewis leaves to attend to his other town duties, but Robin insists I eat with her family and doesn’t let go of my arm until I agree. So I lift my suitcase past the steps, past the patchy screen door, into the small cabin and place my hat on a table. She doesn’t give me time to change, and instead, drags me out again, onto the road that leads towards the Mountains.

“It’s김치찌개(6) today. I know you’ve had it more than we have, but you’ve never had it like Sebby makes it,” she says fondly when we walk around to her houses front entrance. “It’s the only thing he knows how to make well, and it’s one of the only Korean dishes Demetrius and Maru will ask for. Hey! If you start making 김치(7), I won’t have to drive to the city to buy it!”

“I guess I could try. I think I saw some recipes in a drawer; maybe my grandpa left them.”

“I can send Maru and Sebastian to help if you ever decide to. You’d need a kitchen, of course, but I can build one for you, since I specialize in construction. For a price.” She sing-songs the last part and unlocks the front door, swinging it wide open. “다녀왔습니다(8)! We have a guest!”

“다녀오셨어요(8), Mom?” The cheery face that greets me isn’t pale, like my own, but lovely dark brown color, with curly hair that frizzes outward delightfully. Maybe therapy at rehab is what dulled my iron smile, and Maru, I assume, grins at my expression. “Pretty fluent, huh? Did you think I was Korean?” But when I flash my smile again, Maru tucks her hair behind her ear, suddenly flustered.

“I was only thinking that your 버릇(9) is better than mine.” I say, more to Robin, and I see her light up from the corner of my eyes, “Hi, Maru. My name is Jack.” Behind me, Robin tries to hide her proud face by enthusiastically taking my coat and hanging it up.

“Nice to meet you, Jack!” Maru catches Robin in a hard hug and whispers, “What does buhreut mean?”

“He means you have good manners. 아이고, Jack! I won’t have you flirting in my household!” I can only stand still while she playfully hits me a couple of times. Again, _holy shit this woman is strong._ But I’m hungry, and since I’m all the way here, I might as well bear it until I can eat.

“Maru, the petri dishes need to be checked.” Maru scampers off and a huge man, even darker than Maru, takes her place.

“Demetrius,” he says, I catch myself in a bow before I see his outstretched hand. He seems to tower over me, his mathematically straight flat top almost brushing against the door frame when he comes over to shake my hand. “Jack, was it? Nice to meet you.” His hand is warm and is voice rough and low. “I’m the resident scientist at Stardew Valley. It’s nice to finally meet you. Robin has been excited for your arrival for a while now. Have you met Sebastian yet?”

“Sebby! Jack’s here! Come say hi!” Robin calls out, quickly kissing Demetrius. Her voice rises when there is no response. “Sebastian!”

“Can you let me untie my damn apron?” comes the disgruntled voice from the kitchen. Demetrius turns on his heels and paces over to the kitchen.

“Sebastian,” he warns, voice quiet.

“Demetrius,” Sebastian says in the same voice, before brushing past him and into me.

He’s exactly the same height as me, not a centimeter more or less. Dark violet hair fluffs outward and falls down to cup one side of his face, and he still carries and apron in one hand and a mug in the other.

“Hello,” I say, hesitantly.

He drops his mug and it shatters in a cacophony of sound, splashing both of us with lukewarm coffee. Sebastian doesn’t respond when Demetrius shouts his name and I am struck with the sickening realization that someone has, at last, recognized me. Sebastian’s black eyes don’t leave mine and his mouth opens to start to say something –

“My name is Jack,” I grind out, desperately, still smiling. “Nice to meet you. Sorry about the coffee.”

Almost immediately, something shifts behind his eyes and his mouth clicks shut. He crouches down to pick up the shards of the mug, apathetic once more.

“Hi. Sorry about the mess. You shouldn’t have stood so close to the door.”

“김새비(10)!”

“It’s okay,” I wave down Robin’s anger as best as I can. “He’s right, I was too close to the door. And they’re just clothes that I can’t wear around the farm anyway.”

He doesn’t meet my eyes through dinner. I don’t meet his. We look away and past each other, while my heart thumps sickly against my chest.

 

(1) “hello”: the polite of this greeting

(2) aigo: a word of exclamation

(3) ajumma: literally translates to “auntie” but refers to someone (doesn’t have to be family) that is older than 35 and is usually married

(4) “oh my”: exclamation

(5) “It looks like the country side/rural”

(6) kimchijjigae: a flavorful stew made with kimchi as main ingredient

(7) kimchi: yo, look it up

(8) “I’m back”/ “Are you back?”: a greeting for when you come home and the appropriate response; a bit like “I’m home” and “welcome home”

(9) buhreut: habit or manners

(10) “Kim Sebby”: in Korean, the last name comes before the first name; in essence, this is calling out his full name, so he’s in trouble


End file.
